do you know what it’s like to never feel good enough?
do you know what it’s like to be alone in a room full of people?
do you know what it’s like to hate yourself?
do you know what it’s like to feel fat?
do you know what it’s like to hate your family?
do you know what it’s like to want to die?
do you know what it’s like to want to cut yourself?
do you know what it’s like to be consumed by darkness?
do you know what it’s like to constantly being judged?
do you know what it’s like to feel empty?
do you know what it’s like to fake a smile everyday?
do you know what it’s like to be sad for no reason?
because i do and it hurts like hell.
sometimes you see things and memories come flashing back and you break down but the thoughts and visions just won’t stop.
You know what I find sad is that i see all these people wanting someone who cares and loves them. Wanting to mean something to someone, and I have that, but i still hate myself so freaking much and idek why. Like there’s very few people i care about but now I know if anything did happen to me it would break them and I’m pretty sure thats the only thing what keeps me going. they’re the type of people you can’t walk away from because they’ll walk with you 😐 and when i had to get measured and weighed at the hospital (like always, they always want this when you go its normal) my little brother came with and he wanted to come into the room too but my mum said no to him and he’s like
“I want to come in too I love (my name)” and it just helps me so much because he’s my lil bro and i love him too. 🙃 like i would smack you across the face with a pole if you mess with him. Lmfao 😂
these past two days have shown me how much literally no one cares about me. no one ever ask if I’m okay anymore.. no one asks if I ate today.. no one asks if I need a shoulder to cry on anymore. it’s not like I had anyone anyways, well, atleast I thought I did but I was so wrong. I just wish that people knew how I felt and how much I’m truly going through. I go through a lot of shit each and every day that no one will know about because no can truly live my life. I’ve been having urges for a couple months and I eventually couldn’t fight them anymore and I did it.. yes I broke a shit ton of promises to all my friends and they all now hate me, they all are now disappointed in me, they are all upset with me, but I mean I wouldn’t blame them, what I did was a shitty move and hell I promised not to do and I did. but I’m realizing now that I’m never going to be important to anyone, I’ve stuck with so many people for many years and all I get is left behind. but hey that’s how life is I guess. I’m trying to get better but I can’t do it when I have no one by my side anymore, I can’t push myself through it, I’m not strong anymore. I’m worthless, I’m numb, I’m a shitty ass person, I can’t love anyone, I’m emotionless. but that’s what everyone wants right? is for me to just die anyways so why not now be the time? I can’t see myself tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year.. so why can’t I just end it now? just wish I had someone by my side. I make everyone around my feel useless, unwanted, and depressed. I’m tired of bringing people down with me and hurting everyone. I just need someone to tell me to kms so I can do it. I want to be able to write down a suicide letter and let everyone know what the hell I was going through that they couldn’t see my pain and my hurt. just I need someone to help me and realize that I’m not okay and I never will be. everyone just tries to change who I am because who I am isn’t good enough and never will be. I’m sorry if your still reading this.. I’ll stop now. but I just don’t want to keep fighting anymore..🤕💔
J'ai du mal
Je ne sais plus ce que je vaux
Je parle je m'exprime .. Mais ce ne sont que des mots
Est ce que ça sonne faux ?
Est ce mon égo ?
Ou ma dépression qui me font tomber de très haut ... ?
Je suis tomber sur une de nos ancienne photos
Et tu sais quoi ? À par pleurer je n'ai pas trouver les mots
On avait tout
Et on n'a tout perdu
Tout était beau
Avant que le temps ne fasse face et abime
Avant que tout ne se décime
Avant que je ne retombe dans cette déprime
Avant que tout ne se supprime
Ça à été trop loin
Ça ma trop touché
J'en ai trop pleuré ... Maintenant c'est terminer
Et c'est mieux ainsi
Maintenant je vais devoir surmonter
Dans la quelle je suis " attaché "
Je te souhaite d'aller mieux
Je te souhaite bonne chance
Et dis toi quelque chose ... Ne remet jamais rien à demain
Aujourd'hui tu as ton destin entre les mains
Trigger warning ————————
Please don’t read this, my intention is to vent.. not harm.
To my girls who self harm out there (I see you guys as well) try not to cut when you’re on your period! I know it’s hard but just try to push it past those first couple of days, I guess your body is full of anticoagulants and you’ll bleed profusely!!
How do I know this? I made that mistake and it was so damn scary.. I had to press down on it for more than ten minutes and it still wouldn’t stop, everything became bloody and it was a damn mess.
And all I could think about is will someone know, will someone see me.
I haven’t had the best day, week, month so far.
So, stay safe you know..
Loads of love, it hurts to say it because I’m not getting any.. but.. loads of love for you my fellow sufferers and fellow human beings, loads of love xoxo