An infancy picture that I probably shouldn't share but I would, because it comes with a story that I want to share.
So, I was 19 then. And I took my first solo ride to Delhi to meet a guy. I believed that we've something special between us and I wanted to see if it's love.
But it turned out to be shit. The whole thing. And it left me devastated.
So I stayed at my sister's place for a few days. I cried for three nights pretty much all the time and slept with a copy of Veronica Decides to Die.
Then I left Delhi and came back home, emotionally shattered. But the good thing about dealing with severe depression in early age is that later in life when it tries visiting you again, you can recognize it and shut the door on its face.
As I spent a decade in depression, I knew it quite intimately. And I also knew that I've had enough.
So I directed all my energy to my healing than wallowing in my own suckery. I devoured books like wine and worked on my writing as much as I possibly could have. It was also an attempt of paving my way to wherever my sister was. And about eight months later I made that happen. I woke up one morning, packed my bags and announced to my father that I'm leaving home. I'm going to live with my favorite person. .
And I did that. Through the process, I also learned to take a stand for myself and all by myself. Also that life is so much bigger than a heartbreak and a relationship that never manifested.
I remind myself of that incident when I need a token of courage and hope. I made the best out of a situation that could have been the worst one till then. Kudos, dear self.
Today is the day! After years and years of hunting, I've finally found my pen name for my upcoming story books (for the young at heart). Or rather, the name came to me! Ladies and gentlemen, introducing my alter ego, @iso_k_now 🤓 It's a combination of IS (from my nickname MISH) and OK (from my Chinese name SOOK). Also, it's a soothing and assuring word I've been saying to my inner self everyday, for the past few years. "It's ok, it's ok, it's ok." 💛 ( | ps: Absolutely adore this illustration by @elise_gravel
To the fathers, mothers, brothers, daughters, lovers who survive a heart attack-- you are the heroes no one talks about. You're heart is given to us to survive a metal tube forced into the fragile lines of those nostalgic arteries , torn open and shredded in the places where it clotted like cream left in the sun. Sometimes pumped solid with chemicals that thin your blood so much-- a paper-cut feels like another war.
To the fighters that survive the emergency room: life is not done with you yet. To those who do not: I will commemorate your beautiful life for every aching chest that survives another day. #poetryclub#poetryislove#poetrylover#poetrycommunity#poets#poetry#poetryaddict#poetrygram#poetryclub#writersofinstagram#writing#poetsofinstagram
We live in a world that is constantly trying to put us down,
Constantly trying to lower us in to a state of depression,
lower us into depths of self-doubt and bury us in anxieties.
We live in a progressively unnatural world,
a world of unnatural imagery,
a world of plastic celebrity, facial reconstruction, silicone implants and botox.
We live in a shallow world,
a technological world of controlled content,
a world of manufactured thought and insecurity.
Insecurities which are then exacerbated further by air brushed magazine models and blemish free flawless photo filters on snap chat and Instagram.
We live in a world where perfectly healthy, beautiful children and adults alike wrestle with body image, depression and self-doubt.
And there is a reason for that, happiness is bad for the economy.
There's a reason why people are not happy with their personal appearance,
There's a reason why people are not happy with the natural state of their hair, or a less than pearly white perfectly straight smile,
There is a reason why people are not happy with the beautiful darkness or paleness of their skin tones,
There's a reason why people not happy with the shape of their nose, the thickness of their lips, or the natural curvature of their bodies,
It’s because they're forever being told not to,
they are forever being told not to by society,
they are forever being told not to by multi-billion dollar industries which profit greatly from their unhappiness.
Billions are spent on research, PR and costly marketing campaigns which are specifically designed to chip away at your self-confidence and break you down in order to rebuild you in their image.
Want perfect flawless skin like this air brushed magazine model? Buy this anti-ageing cream.
To get amazing results like this steroid users, unattainable muscular photo shopped image, buy these dietary supplements.
Since childhood, TV commercials, internet advertisements and billboard posters are every which way we look,
and they are constantly telling us how to look,
they are constantly telling us who to be and what we should buy in order to be happy, (1/2)
Excerpt from "My Solitude" full poem below
If I am honest with myself I've been battling depression since I was about 12.
Although I had reiki, crystal healing and a few journey work sessions, I didn't get medical help until I was 23.
For 11 years my main source of medicine was to write. --------------------------------------------Leave me alone
I don't want to be free
Lock me up
Throw away the key …………………………………………
Trap me inside
Don't let me go
Can't see sunshine
Don't want to know …………………………………………
Life in solitude
For some may be hell
For me it's a safety net
A comfort I know well …………………………………………
Wrap me in darkness
I cuddle up to fear
This is entertainment
I sing to the voices I hear …………………………………………
Shut out the laughter
Scream pain in my ears
Carve into my skin
Wash blood away with tears …………………………………………
Life in solitude
For some may be hell
For me it's a safety net
A comfort I know well
excerpt from "French Fries and Other Great Ways to Eat Potatoes" in my poetry collection Redacted💧available signed via the link in my bio!! The full length piece came out of my friend Liv asking me to write a poem about potatoes. I tucked a note in my phone and came back to it a year and a half later because what I'm REALLY good at is putting shit off indefinitely!!
Art by: Rishabh Rawat
Words by: Anonymous
Even as the day passes
he listens as carefully
as he did
and she sees
with the same intensity
for wonders never
cease to impress
or remain constant
as the day passes
Another layer staining over
the crayon gold shadow
look, it's saying
something different now
can't you hear
when did you stop listening
was it after
the translucent coat
or the dark gray one
Have the spaces
inside you been filled
with too much
of your own flesh
to be glad to see
a friendly newcomer
which would never harm
only show you
a million tiny worlds
in an inch of land
You must empty yourself
all of it
and then wait
for the light to change
it will be subtle
don't turn your gaze
towards that prettiness
not to that tinkle either
Wait for the light to change.