i don’t need a
piece of paper
to tell me that
it hurts, and
i don’t need
to blame my
im a diagnosis,
i just need to
bigger than me
that makes it all
My book To a Girl I Haven’t Met is available for purchase through the link in my bio.
IS IT WISE TO RUN AWAY FROM PAIN?
Why do I keep dreaming about the things I want to happen? Every night when I close my eyes, my world is fixed to the extent that I am incapable of.
I dream about how she read those aching words about her and then understood me, realizing she had hurt me.
I dream about how we were talking like nothing had changed and that I changed due to the pain.
I dream about how I mustered up the courage to tell her that my love and care has not changed one bit.
I dream about how she learned that I would always be there for her and not expect her to be here for me and I AM TOTALLY FINE WITH IT.
I dream about how she knew this wasn't even a sacrifice for me, as long as she is HAPPY.
I dream about her being so successful in life, I dream about her getting the guy she loves so dearly. I pray too.
I dream about her talking to me once a year and like she still loves me the same and we are still the same high school friends.
I dream about her living a perfect life...a beautiful envious life, but I wouldn't envy it one bit.
Because writers like me are meant to ache for their best friends, beloveds and loved ones to love them as much as they love them.
Wishing for an eternity of happiness to embrace them as they watch people with tears (of happiness).
Just don't forget, my friend, the day you introduced me to yourself, I had decided to protect you from all agony.
Don't forget,my friend, that I will always be by your side trying to protect you from the horrors of this world.
Don't forget, my friend, that my eyes will always look for you in the crowd, and every cool person will remind me of you only.
Don't forget that I will always be here if you come back, fervently looking at my watch, waitful eyes searching for your adorable crooked smile.
words are absolutely delicious. distinguished by the anguish of my own being. in meaning, i drown in a pool of emotions and feeling, a demeaning demon who continues succeeding within me. i am unfree. clasped together by the chains of my predetermined destinies. rest for me, demon in me, a sin akin to my own remedies. you see, i am more fragile than snow, for all you know, i can fall apart in the grasp of fingers too hearty, too rough, but to be held is more than enough. unravel me gently, immensely with passion. dissect my soul with all of you, no distractions, undisturbed action. i am a kaleidoscopic definition of beauty: an uncertain collage of colors that seeks to be categorized, organized, mesmerized, so that perhaps i may be accepted and injected into the meaning of perfection. but I digress…perhaps words are merely a lofty substance that is meant to drown or lift others. for the daughters and their mothers, a simple constellation of letters may undo them from their night time covers. from these, have I become a lover of a language. and that is why I cannot see that perhaps I AM free. #spilledink
~No Home For Me~ FULL POEM in CAPTION ⤵
Running, I keep moving,
where else is there for me to be-
You told me to come home,
But what's left there's dead,
gone in one burst of endless cacophony.
I'm bled for words
that sound you hear is my wailing heart,
it cries now without even trying,
A single promise from you
could've saved me from this wretched dying.
I'm driftwood in a sea of broken hearts,
but you can't see me-
Your tender light shines the way for another-
and all others-
Yet by some twisted purpose
*or absence thereof*
Fate was amused and you renounced all your love,
And I've forever missed my chance
to capture an eternity;
Rewarded some token prize,
A fallen victory.
So who tells me to come home-
What is home, I say?
Four walls in this moment,
my madhouse mirror cage
I'm a darkling angel,
time devours my life by pages.
Wearing tears in my smile
I'm crowned with dejected silence
Stifled by my own anguish,
the two of you should've been us!!
Caught in guttural groans-
That is what's my home.
Mistaken for love,
what your words were
But they're words that I wanted,
soft whisperings of which I'm haunted,
I've have destroyed worlds
for the things my soul from you I'd heard-
My eyes remember,
My heart is still so tender
When it thinks of you...
So I keep running, I'm still moving
Cause there's no where else
for me to be-
When I'm gone,
my home was always
inside of we.
Tagged by the lovely @hiyaoxfordgirl for a #poem with the prompt #home ☄
Also used a #DecemberFalls prompt 'darkling angel' @fallspoetry hosted by @breath_words_ and @aseawords
And for the #ourpoetryjourney17 challenge/contest, using prompt 'stifle'
Photo from Pixabay